It has been a crappy year to say the least, well minus the cute guy above. Lost 4 of my furry kids and then a few weeks ago my grandpa also passed away. So in the car on the way home today I heard a song and it made me think of my little guy and put into words what I think when I look at him, especially with the rollercoaster of emotions this year has been.
I was honestly scared to death about having a baby. I am a dog person, not a kid person, my nephews and niece are great, in small doses. I did not want to responsible for someone, I even remembering asking my friend what happens if I do not love him as much as my dogs! I was freaked out to say the least, I mean what kind of mother says that! Then I saw his face when he was seconds old, I cried, and now find myself so in love with the little guy and wondering how boring it was without him. Now my thoughts are how to protect him from all the horrible things in the world, how to keep him from being hurt by people, how to keep him from feeling sadness and the pain of losing someone or something you care about. I guess these are the things that help us grow, help us to become who we are and we need to experience them, but I still cannot help but feel exactly as the song says.
Never Grow Up
You're little hands wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight.
You're little eyelids flutter cause your dreaming
So I tuck you in
Turn on your favorite night light.
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret.
I'd give all I had, honey
If you could just stay like that.
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little.
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It can stay this simple.
I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart.
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, and never grow up.
Your in the car on the way to the movies
And, your mortified
Your mom's dropping you off
At, fourteen there's just so much you can't do
And you cant't wait to move out someday and call your own shots.
But, don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too.
And don't lose the way you dance around in your PJ's getting
ready for school.
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little.
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It can stay this simple.
And no ones ever burned you
Nothing's ever left you scarred.
And even though you want to
Just try to never grow up.
~Taylor Swift~
This is Tim's cat Fiona
She also thinks she is Noah's Nanny
This is how we deal with the cold in our house......
Snuggle!!
This past year I have had to say goodbye four times, each time harder than the last. No because I loved one more than the other, but because I have not really had a chance to recover from the last one. Just when the crying every time I think of the previous one starts to be less and less, I am forced to say goodbye again. Sophie was hard to say goodbye to, very hard. I knew it was coming and even knowing does not make it any easier. We only had 3 short years together and that was definatley not enough. I am so thankful I have been home full-time the past few months as it gave me that much more time with her. After she passed away someone sent me an email and it really got me thinking of just how special she really was and really made me feel a bit better......
"I'm so sorry to hear about Sophie. She is such a sweet girl. You gave her the best years of her life, she didnt die in a shelter because of you. I guess that leaves you to hurt. I cant even imagine the roller coaster of emotions that has been your year. The really cool thing is that Sophie got to be the momma to the best thing this year in your life! She just wanted to make sure you could handle that role before she left, I guess she could see you had it under control :) I can't wait for our babies to grow up in rescue and see what we do. Learn compassion, forgiveness, and that life is precious."
I have said this many times this year that I will never get another pet, as it is too hard to say goodbye, but as much as I know the hurt, I know the love too and if another Sophie came along I would not hesitate.
So thank you to all my rescue friends for their kind words, long talks helping me to feel better about my decision and most of all thank you to Wendy for the beautiful pictures of my girl, I will cherise these forever!
My Old Friend
Today I said goodbye to my old friend
I pray someday we get to meet again
Under one more clear blue sky
Up there where the eagles fly.
And we'll go walking in the sunshine
With a big smile on our face
Race the river to the ocean
Go splashing in the waves
And I'll wrap my arms around you
We'll be together once again
And I'll tell you how much I missed you
My old friend
Yeah I know you're up there looking down
On the rainbow bridge we talked about
There's a place for me and you
Somewhere up there behind the moon.
~Johnny Reid~
Sophie had a episode on Tuesday, I am not sure if it was a stroke, seizure or fainting as I only caught the tail end of it. She was in her room and I heard a loud thump to find her unresponsive and stiff on the floor. Within a few minutes and several frantic phone calls to anyone that would answer she got up and seemed fine. Ate her dinner, followed me around while I made supper begging for food, her usual self.
We got up Wednesday morning and she was a little less happy but still took treats and seemed ok for the most part. I called and made her an appointment for Thursday just to have her checked out to make sure everything was ok. By Wednesday afternoon she had gone downhill fast. She swayed when she walked, I had to carry her in from outside as she would just lay there and not get up and she was not eating. I took her in to the vet Wednesday night and after 2 hours and 2 different vets looking at her there is still no answers. They gave me some pain medication and I took her home as I knew she would be more comfortable here.
She was pretty groggy for the rest of the evening as a result of the meds and just slept on her bed. Thursday morning a bit back to her usual self, went outside on her own and ate some wet food that I gave her. This continued for the rest of Thursday and all day Friday.....until after she ate her dinner and we are back at square one. She does not want to eat again and is depressed.
I am not sure what to do anymore, I have spent a bunch already with no answers and its irritating the hell out of me. I have lost 3 already this year and have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach this will be number 4. I am now have a baby who lets me get sleep during the night but rather I lay awake worrying about Sophie. I am trying to find hope but I think it was all used up on Rylee and Archie, and in the end there was none for them.
Zoey has been with me for 2 years now. In that time I have still not figured out why someone would not want her, she is honestly a perfect little princess. A little stubborn yes, and has decided she is a daddy's girl, but still perfect in my eyes.
Unless there is thunder that is......then this happens.
You would never guess she is the one I have to worry about when strangers come to the door.
This was the cake at my baby shower this weekend.......
Obviously someone who knows me well made it and I LOVE it!
On the weekend I went to look at two Chihuahua's that someone was looking to rehome. I had no intentions of taking them with me just wanted to make sure they were not mean ankle biters before agreeing to take them into the rescue. Well I got there and it was a hot day, they were left outside in the back yard, I questioned why they were not allowed in the house and was told the son had allergies, but in walking out to see them passed their own dog in the house. So after being overloaded with kisses, confirming they were not little evil chihuahuas I packed them up in the truck and headed home.
This is Lily
And this is Harley.
I am actually glad I am pregnant and have no patience, because these two are very sweet and would
definatley be held hostage. Tim was home for 10 minutes and decided we would keep Lily, but I had other thoughts on the matter.
Nik loves them and the feeling is mutual, especially with Lily. He carts her around like a little doll and she is happy to oblige and showers him with kisses. He cannot remember their names so calls them both Chihuahua.
We met up with Wendy from Paws on The Run Photography last night for some photos for the blog and website and the dogs had a blast. It was too cute for words. I love the photos, especially since they are great at showing how cute they are so hopefully someone will snag them up soon. Since they are with me I am handling the adoption and its going to take a pretty special person to meet all the standards I have set for a new home for these two, they
definatley deserve it.
Not sure if I have had bloggers block or just lack of interest. First off I lost my camera so that might have had something to do with it, then holidays, then the unfortunate passing of my sweet little furry buddy Archie and now the task of combining two households I have not had time or the interest. More so the interest I think, losing 3 furry babes in 4 months has taken a toll on me, I just keep thinking of how many more times I will have to go through that and it makes me sad again. I can honestly say that once the furry kids I have go there will be no more, its too hard, way too hard. (I know anyone who knows me is calling b.s. on that statement, but honest its true). Add to all of that the human kid that is playing soccer in my belly right now, whacking out my hormones and stealing my brain cells it does not help at all!
But I did find my camera so that is a start......here is what was on it.
Jessi was getting random sores on her body, never really knew why, no rhyme or reason to it but every so often they would appear. She would go months without one and then it would flare up again. First I thought it was haircuts, happened right after one, but then the next two it didn't.
One of them got quite bad and she would not leave it alone so I had to resort to a cone. Does she not look most impressed about it?
I changed her food recently and that seems to have done the trick. I made a few food changes prior but it never seemed to work, this time upon a friends recommendation I bought one that is corn free. So far so good, but with the luck I seem to have this year I will find one after I hit publish post.
With combining household comes a few new furry additions, so pictures of the new kids to come.
I think Zoey is the cutest dog ever.....she is just odd and quirky.
But then again I think they are all the cutest dog ever depending on the day.....each one of them has a quirk all their own.
Duke, Duke, Duke.....
Yesterday he grew thumbs and managed to get into a rubbermaid tote and eat all of Lola (the foster dogs) treats in there. I would honestly love to have a camera to see how exactly he is able to get these things down from the back of the cupboard and get into them. Funny though he did not get into the food. He also somehow was able to open one of my cupboards and steal some leashes out of there, I am just thankful it was not the garbage cupboard or the pantry cupboard.
So today he and Sophie are hanging outside in the dog run, when I left they where both suntanning on the dog beds and having a nap.
Sorry again Sandy......I need to better Duke proof my house!
If Duke could talk today I think he would say....."MMMM me like cookies".
Why you ask, well this is the third time Duke has had a sleep over, and based on today's events I think he is quite comfortable here now. My dogs avoid the counter, they know what happens if they steal something off of there. You get chased down and even if whatever you have stolen is half way down it is still taken from you. So the last thing on my mind when leaving the house today was to make sure everything was put away, it was all set far back on the counter, but still on the counter. Needless to say Duke likes Girl Guide Cookies, a unopened box of them, I am sure once off the counter a certain golden retriever helped him out, he had already done all the hard work. I was quite shocked also at how well they were able to open the box without thumbs.
He has been extra cuddly tonight, I think it is his way of saying sorry, and it works, how can you be upset at a face like that! My own fault anyways! Sorry Sandy!
Nik thinks Sophie wants to cuddle....
Sophie actually wants him off her damn couch....
I think they both are too cute...
I thought I was doing better....until I picked up the mail this morning.
There was a nice sympathy card from Western Veterinary Specialists where Rylee was staying, filled with nothing but good things about my little boy. Every note I read was all so true about him, just how special he really was and how it took seconds for him to worm his way into your heart. With every note I read I cried harder and I missed him more. I wanted the next letter I opened to be from someone explaining to me why....but there was no letter. I pulled myself together and went to work.
Had a few rescue calls to return, one from a lady who is interested in one of our dogs and recently lost her dog. She cried, I held it together until the end of the call and went into the bathroom and cried again. I pulled myself together and went back to work.
Picked up Nik and headed to my friends to feed her cats and Nik was his usual chatty self in the car. Told me his heart hurts and he missed Rylee and numerous other pets that have died. I cried again, hoping not to let Nik see as he is a super sensitive little guy and would probably cry too. But nothing gets by him, he knew I was upset and told it would all be ok, they were in heaven now and we get to see them again, and until then we just have to look at the stars and tell them we miss them. That did make me smile.
I am glad today is over and tired of being an emotional mess, so I hope tomorrow is better and it will be.
So the last few weeks have been stressful to say the least....
The horrible week began with what was suppose to be good news, shocking news, but good news, only to be over shadowed by Rylee getting sick and passing away. My days are getting better, the other dogs have been ample entertainment and kept me laughing lately which has helped. So now that I was feeling better I had time to come to terms with the other news and then with the ultrasound appointment yesterday there was no denying it any longer.
Meet our new addition.....
Tim says it looks like a girl, I say an alien (joking of course).
I am not baby savy, they scare me to be honest, crying and cannot tell you what is wrong, but guess I will learn!
On Saturday, March 27, 2010 at approximatley 10:00 a.m. my angel put on his furry wings and went to heaven. He waited until I was there and took his last breath while we where together, we were waiting for the doctor to come in and I begged him to go to sleep, and he did.
His body rejected the treatments and no matter how hard to doctors tried they just could not help him.
My heart hurts in a way it has never hurt before....I have lost pets, Nike to cancer and Wickett to old age, but my boy was only 7 and up until Tuesday morning was happy and healthy. He was suppose to be with me forever. He was perfect, the best boy a mom could ask for, I just wish I could have done more to save him. I feel like I failed him, I failed to protect him, I failed to keep him safe, failed to miss a sign that he was sick to catch it sooner. I know I say these things out of hurt and I know oneday I will realize that I spared no expense to help him, but it still hurts.
He will always have a special place in my heart and will never be forgotten. But I would still give everything I have to have him back.
My baby is sick, very sick, and my heart is broken, beyond broken.....even as I type this I cannot stop the tears.
I took him in for what I thought was a bladder infection, instead at 1:00pm we were loaded in the car on our way to Western Veterinary Specialist Centre in Calgary so he could get blood transfusions.
He has what they think is Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemia. His own immune system is destroying his red blood cells. Not sure of the cause, the chest x-ray and abdominal scan came back clean so no cancer, he did not eat onions, garlic or Tylenol, not tick season.....no answers and its driving me crazy. After his first transfusion his red cell count is up but he is still sad and threw up a few times last night.
I have never prayed so much in my whole life and hoping that at some point I have done something right to help make this go well and for him to get better. There is a 50/50 chance for recovery, I want so badly for him to be the one out of the two dogs that makes it.
I wish I did not care so much, I wish I had talked myself out of getting him when I saw him that day, I wish I was not raised to love animals so much, but most of all I wish this was just a bad dream.
I will continue to hope and pray, he is in the best facility possible to treat this and even if it ends the way I do not want it to I can say I did all I could.
Why is Sophie dressed like this you ask.....because she is BAD!
Well almost a week after her surgery she scratched the incision and ripped apart 3 stitches and now has a gaping hole. We went to the vet who said to just keep flushing it out and eventually it will close itself up.
But how do you stop her from scratching?? Trust me its impossible, I am so freaking frustrated you have no idea. Its in the wrong spot for a cone & a tshirt rides too low. She sleeps in my room at night now and I do not sleep well, every little sound I wake up worried she is scratching. We make a few steps forward only for me to have to go to work and come home to her having undone what has been accomplished.
So today Tim and I fashioned this new outfit for her.
A pretty small collared shirt, a dress pin and lots of duck tape.
Oh yes and a pretty sock, snuggly duct taped in all the right places so not to fall off.
She is less than impressed, but neither am I so fair is fair!
Dear Mom & Dad,
Just wanted to let you know that we are doing well at Auntie Bobbi's house. We get to go to work everyday and visit with everyone, but for some reason we have to stay in the stupid cage thing....but its ok cause Auntie Jacquie brought in this cool bed for Auntie Bobbi's kitties but we have decided we should keep it here its nice to sleep in.
Ank is a leech according to Auntie Bobbi, not sure what that mean but I think its because he follows her everywhere, its kind of funny actually, if he cannot see her he cries like a big baby. Roxy has decide Ank is too much of a sissy for her and is moving on.
I on the otherhand am being a perfect gentleman, Auntie Bobbi says she is going to keep me.
She told us you are coming back tomorrow but we wanted to let you know its okay if you want to stay a bit longer as we are having lots of fun!
Love Auto (and Ank too!)
She's home safe & sound....not very happy withe me though as she had to spend the night at the vet clinic...or that they shaved her face to remove a spot on there too. I told she is still the prettiest girl ever.
She did very well, they only had to sedate her and use local freezing to do the surgery. She is such a good girl to do things with.
Her pretty bandages have to be changed for the next few days and on Monday I can take the drain and she is good to go.
Why is it though that I could do all sorts of stuff when I worked at the vet clinic and even to any foster dogs I have.....but when it comes to my own dogs I get nervous and grossed out? Strange I know, but I will suck it up and do it.
Sophie is going on Friday to have her lump removed. To say I am nervous and worried does not even touch how I feel. Nothing is ever easy with Sophie.
This will be attempt number three to have this done. First time was when she went in for her spay and they were going to just take it off at that time. Well a routine spay turned in to a big mess and attempt number one for Sophie to check out on me.
Attempt number two was when she had her tummy problems and they went in to find she had two holes in her intestine, after a very long surgery it was decided to leave it. Attempt number two to check out on me. And now I am starting to take it personally.
So Friday will attempt number three, no other procedures just the lump removal, she is healthly, happy, extra annoying and all her blood wook checked out well last time she was at the vet. I am nervous knowing her past history and even more nervous as it is not my regular vet. Luckily one the girls in rescue is going to watch some surgeries that day so I am going to pester her for minute by minute updates, lucky girl!
So from now until I have her home Friday night I will be a mess, so if I see you and I am grumpy, start crying for no reason or bite your head off, SORRY!!!! I do not do well with stress with it has to do with my furry kids.
My little man is 7 today....wow does time ever go by fast.
So when I bring out the camera Rylee runs and hides.....I try to to hide it but even the noise of it turning on results in this....
The other night I was in the kitchen and heard the distinct sound of the camera flash, now since I was in the kitchen I had my audience behind me waiting for something to drop, so I asked who Tim was taking pictures of....to which he replies Rylee. I come around the corner and the little bugger is sitting right next to him and posing for the camera.
I just don't get it!!!
This is what happens when we watch TV in our house.
Zoey likes to sandwich between us....
Archie & Chloe like to snuggle
Zoey gets too hot after sandwiching and joins the doggy pile on Tim's lap.
Alfie & Sophie cuddle up close.
Jessi, well she is not really sure what to do.....notice how close she is to Tim though, this is a huge step for her!!
Where's Roxy?.....Snuggled up with me under a blanket. Too comfortable to disturb for pictures.
